Day 2

Day 2 was a barber school version of the ‘Red Wedding’ episode from Game Of Thrones.

An artist’s rendition of our class.


I spotted an Iron Maiden houseboat en route to the academy. Clearly, a sign that things were about to get metal.

But for real, I wanna BFF whoever owns this boat!

Where Day 1 was about the super basics, Day 2 focused on fundamentals and building muscle memory. Specifically, learning “straight cuts” by trimming Kate’s raggedy plastic hair to a perfectly even length all the way around.

We practiced and practiced cutting her hair, leveling up by microscopic intervals. For a while we all got into the straight cut zone, and it almost felt like we’d gotten the hang of that whole “handling barber shears” thing.

Then it happened: BLOOD.

One student nicked his index finger while trimming up a section. We scrambled to find band-aids (“plasters”, they call them here). He got all patched up and went back to work.

MORE BLOOD. Same guy got sliced twice. Shortly thereafter, a 2nd student got nicked.

I’m aware that there is a large quantity of blood gushing around inside our bodies, but the sheer amount of red liquid spurting out of the tiniest finger slit continues to amaze me.


Finally, it was my turn to bleed. I wish I had a cool or bizarre story related to my first barbering injury, but I don’t.

However, I did learn a valuable lesson from it: If you’re going to wipe hair clumps off a razor-sharp object with your finger, you really should check the angle of your blade first.

I make these kinds of mistakes so that you don’t have to. Also, I blame Kate Tastrophe.

It’s definitely her fault. ALL of it.


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